Wednesday, July 27, 2011


Both Greg and I have been working quite a bit of overtime these days. It's exhausting, I work from 4:30pm - 1:00 am and I have been going into work from 9am - 11am all week this week too. I did work a couple of straight 10 hour shifts, which are easier than coming in early, but the hours for that haven't been offered for a while. So I'm sleeping less. Which makes for a cranky mom.

Right now my biggest worry is Vincent. He has developed the thinking that he may go anywhere he wishes at whatever time he wishes and does not need to ask permission to do so. This is unacceptable, and he KNOWS this. I have grounded and grounded him and he does OK for a little while then he's back at it. NO MORE!!!!!! I have told him that if he EVER tried to sneak out or goes MIA again I am going to report him as a runaway. I realize this may seem a bit extreme but I'm at a loss of what else to do. The kids he's hanging out with when he does this are much older than he is and he is playing with fire (figuratively as we have not had pyro problems since the "big kahuna" two years ago) It stinks on ice not to be able to trust your own kid to make the right decisions, when you've taught them how to make them.

There are days it's like watching a train wreck about to happen and I'm helpless to stop it. He has potential to do great things, and most days is the hardest working kid I've ever seen. But if he's not directed constantly, he's easily led astray and I fear for him. He's made SERIOUSLY bad choices, and paid the price for those. In losing trust with Greg and me, in having suspicion cast upon him if ANYTHING happens in our neighborhood. These things KILL me inside, and I cannot seem to get through to him. When I sit him down and talk to him, he is genuinely remorseful and tries to do the right thing, but inevitably falls back into the same old patterns.

I only want the best for him, but he needs to understand that I expect better OF him. I am hopeful though that one day the light bulb will glow brightly and he'll get it.

Monday, July 18, 2011


I suppose I've become rather neglectful of my blog. Quite honestly I don't think anyone ever reads it anyway. But I figure I should at least update from time to time.

I'm currently doing this from work, it's nice to be able to have Internet access from my job. It's slow enough tonight that I have time to do this. If it were Monday, forget it, Monday's are hell in the credit card business. I don't know if I will be welding for a living again, the economy is brutal and I have really good insurance right now. I also actually have a 401K that MADE MONEY!!!!! It's not a bad place to work, I just don't make as much money as I would welding, and I don't think I'll get anywhere else in the company except where I am right now. I'm not overly fond of the bottom of the food chain. I suppose I shouldn't complain at all as I know there are people out there in much worse situations, then again I don't think it's that bad to aspire for something better in a place I am at 8 hours every day.

I have come to the conclusion that I am getting old. SHOCKER I know! (please note dripping sarcasm) I have had a few times recently where I've been seeing how the world is an adventure for other people (the younger ones :) ) and finding myself a little jealous of having that freedom.

Then I really thought about it one day, yes that "everyday is an adventure" part of my life isn't as prevalent. I don't wonder where I should go this week, and my life revolves around my children and what they have going on and who needs to be shuttled where. That is sort of the other part of my "midlife" crisis, the children have gone off and gotten LIVES!

I'll say more another time - just don't know what all TO say :)