amazing

I'm officially 40. Never thought I'd get this far, or have all the great things in my life either. But here I am...yay!

Hmmmmmm

It's odd that I'm online only now and again lately. This is mostly due to the new job at the Bankcard center. It's not my DREAM job, but it will help pay the bills, and I have to say this company treats their employees well and the people are great. Sometimes that's all a job needs to have to be worthwhile. The job itself it interesting as well. And that's all I have to say about that. :)

I have finally come out of my "funk"! I think it was mostly due to not working and feeling pretty damned worthless because of it. My house went to hell in a hand basket, but I've been "digging out" and it's much better. I'm not ashamed for other people to walk in anymore. And I'm not as snippy to everyone either, nor am I as tired as I was for the LONGEST time. Depression is a strange creature, it not only effects the brain but nails you physically as well. And where things are not perfect nor do I think they ever will be...besides perfection is overrated :) !

The kids are doing great, we have Lil's first orchestra concert in December, and I'm so excited to see her play in a group. She works hard at it and songs are becoming more recognizable! Her grades are good and I really can't express how amazing she is.

Vincent is doing well with his speech therapy...and I can see some marked improvement with his lisp. He's slacking a bit with homework, but his reading is so much better and he's whizzing along in math too! His teacher raved about him at conferences and I was just beaming! He's had so many troubles this year. Sometimes it's just hard to be a farm kid trapped in town, when he's hanging out with other kids who live in smaller rural towns or farms...he's fine. Here in town, he gets picked on sometimes and then when he defends himself HE'S the bad guy. Tired of it and I REFUSE to punish a kid for defending himself, and if other kids parents don't like it...they can kiss my ASS.

Bella is THRIVING in kindergarten, she's READING already. She loves being student reader at school, I must say she just LOVES school. I still think she's going to take over Cuba one day, but that's just me :) I cannot believe her birthday is in roughly 3 weeks and she'll be SIX. It never ceases to amaze me how time flies.

Anyway...just figured I should update :) I'll have to get some kid pics on soon too. They are HUGE!!!!!!!!!!

Tis the season

to snag paddlefish! So I will be fishing next week, I hope I get a really big one this year! They may be ugly, but they are poor man's lobster! They are also REALLY fun to catch. You don't bait a hook, you snag them and they fight like hell! I almost was drug into the river one year. So wish me luck!

Struggling.

That is the one word I can use to describe me right now, struggling. I have been having to test my blood sugars (which seem to be stabilizing) over the past month. I'm struggling with my weight, my father was morbidly obese and I've found myself on a slippery slope. I'm changing things in my life to help me lose some weight and keep my blood sugars at healthy levels. But I have been finding myself exhausted all the time, honestly I think it's some depression setting in. Oddly enough though, I don't know why. I have a really good life, my family is happy and healthy. Sure some things could be better, I think most people have things in their lives they wouldn't mind being better. I just want to feel GOOD again. Oddly enough I am at a loss on how to do this simple thing. I find joy on a daily basis, but I just don't feel good. I don't know, maybe I'm just nuts.

On a happier note, I am the proud parent of a cellist! Lilly has started orchestra and I couldn't be more excited. She should have her cello this Friday, and she's pretty excited to play me the song she's learned. I hope she decides to stick with it - music is such a wonderful outlet. She's enjoying school as usual and loves her teacher, she's been blessed again with a teacher who "gets" her. I cannot tell you how important that is for her.

Vincent is doing well, he's kept himself out of trouble (mostly :) ) and has found himself involved in a love affair. Before you freak out - it's with a lawn tractor. He LOVES driving and that boy can back up a trailer better than I can! I asked him his secret and he refused to tell me! He said "It's a guy thing Ma!"

Isabella is loving school, and just joined girl scouts. She's excited but we haven't heard anything yet about her troop. She had her first school portraits and I can't wait to see the pictures! She was singing me one of her songs and I love listening to her. So every night when I making supper she sings me the apple and banana song. Which I love. I'm also going along on her field trip to the pumpkin patch in about a week. She's been there before but she's pretty stoked none the less.

All in all - life is good! I'm a mess, but life is good.

Our new addition.

Meet zucchini. Yes another cat named after a vegitable. What can I say we're odd ducks like that. He's awful cute though :) He needs to put on some weight and we're treating a gnarly case of ear mites...but other than that he's a healthy little goober.

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My children are very mad at me, not upset, they are MAD! Mostly because I have the nerve to ask them to clean their rooms. Bella is angry with me because today she isn't able to go outside and play, this is because she decided to throw a TWO HOUR hissy fit last night at bed time. And she's been in full blown tantrum this morning too. I am getting very tired of this "testing" of me. She has it in her head that if she whines enough she'll get her way, I do NOT know where this idea has come from since it's never worked in the past.

They are all tired of each other..and of me too I think. The girls are looking forward to school, Vincent not so much - but I think he's a little excited to get back and see his friends. But he struggles more than they do. School starts on the 19th for the older two and the 20th for Bella, so bedtime routines need to be getting earlier again. My children are less than thrilled about it all. But to send a tired child to school is a cruel thing to do to a teacher.

Today I am planning on grating up about a bazillion zucchini, I have gotten smarter and borrowed my mom's food processor. Last night I spent over an hour slicing cucumbers, made a cucumber salad and a full container of just sliced ones. I'm also thinking about roasting some chili's up too. My tomatoes are beginning to turn red, but it's just been an oddly cool summer - it's as if we are a month behind weather wise.

I've applied for my hunting licences - fall turkey, deer (archery, rifle, and muzzle loader) And I need to get out to the field to sight in my bow and gun. And just to get my archery skills up. The spot I normally hunt has become PRIME ground, as corn has been planted almost right up to where I sit. We have some people coming from Michigan this fall to archery hunt. I'm pretty sure I'll be doing most of the guiding. I need to start working out more to rehab my knee..or I'm never going to make it up and down these hills. Not to mention making it up and down them carrying all my gear or dragging a field dressed deer.

Well enough typing...off too work!

Long day

Stacked wood today...by myself. Now before you say "well why didn't that big galoot of a husband HELP you." I chose to stack it all by myself. I started at 7:30am and finished at 1:00pm. And I seriously need to work on my tie in's. My first one fell and I had to redo it...after picking up the stack of wood I'd just done. But oh well. Anyway it's all good and we have almost all of our wood put up for the winter. We have 3 rows that are about 20 feet long and 6 feet high. So I'm pretty darned proud of myself, not to mention it gave me some time to myself because it was WORK and no one wanted to be around...lol.

Tomorrow I have to process more chokecherries in the morning. But more than likely I'll just be freezing the juice. I need more jars to make jam and I won't be getting those until Tuesday.
And we have a funeral to go to that evening.

It's sad when friends pass away, but I'm glad that he's not in pain anymore. It makes me crazy when people say "they are in a better place" or "everything happens for a reason". When people who are close to us pass, we miss them and it sucks and there isn't anything one can say to make it suck less. But he LOVED life, and we plan to celebrate it. I also plan to remind his wife to have the nervous breakdown she deserves. Feel what you feel...to hell with the "be strong" crap, if you need to cry, cry if you want to scream, scream. Do what you need to do to get through the day.

Anyway hug those you love every day, mostly because you should anyway:)

Tell me something

Does this kid look like the Antichrist? Apparently to one of my neighbors (down the block) he is. I am VERY aware that Vincent isn't perfect - and he does get into trouble sometimes it's been pretty BIG trouble too.

That being said, I don't understand where an ADULT gets off calling a kid horrible names like "A little SHIT" or a "Bitch". I can deal with someone not wanting their kids to play with mine and I'd respect that wish as well. BUT when THOSE kids come down to our block and tell my kids they can't play with the friends they have HERE because they came and they aren't allowed to play with "THEM", I will NEVER get that. I will also not be able to understand why an ADULT would go to my son's OTHER friends parents and tell them that Vincent should NOT be allowed to play at their homes either and how that other adult is IRRATIONAL enough to do it. When Vincent came home in tears because he's no longer allowed to play with another friend - of which he's known for YEARS, I just lost it. I went to talk to the other parent who says "Vincent got her kids in trouble ..." I cut her off and yelled (not proud of that) "I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!!!!!!!!"

I have been dealing with this WOMAN (I refuse to call her an adult anymore because she clearly isn't one) for weeks now. I have tried to be the bigger person, I even wrote her a letter as she kept hanging up on me on the phone or yelling at me as if I'm a child. I have NEVER told her kids to get out of my yard or not to be on my sidewalk. Which she has done to Vincent because he rode through a mud puddle on her sidewalk and got dirt on the rest of it - just like every other kid around here. I have instructed him to ride across the street from this woman's house from now on. But I'm just done, it's taking every ounce of my strength to not go to her house knock on her door and punch her right in the face.

I'm not one to be pushed to tears that often - I try to stay rational and calm - but I can't seem to stop crying for Vincent and the girls. They do NOT deserve to be treated this horribly by a petty miserable excuse of a human being.

I'm in love

With foodgawker.com ! Another blogger that I read often mentioned it so I checked it out. It's the culinary crack of websites...and I'm soooooooooo not going to rehab! In the near future I full intend on making these little bundles of decadence.

Summer!!!!!

So we've been busy this summer, and oddly enough it's getting ready for fall. Tending the garden which has been doing very well this year. Although my radishes were a little disappointing - but for some reason I have NEVER been able to grow radishes. I will never understand why I cannot grow radishes.

We've also been splitting wood. I have been less than pleased with the hubby on that front. He'll complain of being tired after we split wood. He runs the HANDLE...Vincent and I do all the lifting and throwing of wood. I have figured out when we cut wood I will move a tree roughly eight times before it's ash. This weekend I moved about 2000 lbs of wood - TWICE. With a bum knee as well...but I'm the "weaker" sex. My eye! I may complain about cutting, splitting, stacking, hauling wood - but in the end it's worth it. Especially when we get our minimal gas bill in the winter. But I figure if I'm moving all that wood, I can complain about it if I want to :P

I'm still not working outside the home. Unemployment around here is through the roof and it's really sad. In no way does my family have it all that bad, we have plenty of food to eat, a roof over our heads, and our ship is in no way sinking. But I do miss working sometimes - I enjoy my kids everyday of my and their lives - even when they make me crazed. I give them credit too, they have a zest for life that is just unmatched! They enjoy themselves wherever they are, I do wish they'd enjoy themselves a little less in the grocery store though! :) But they have become more independent and don't always want/need to be around me all the time anymore. I have to admit I do miss that clingyness sometimes. I'm proud of the people they are becoming.

Bella starts Safety Town this week, Vincent -archery, and Lilly goes to art class. They are all pretty jazzed about it too. I'll try to remember to post pictures too :)

Long story short

I haven't been blogging too much, I've been living and enjoying the outside world instead. We went to Michigan - the UP over Memorial day...I will go into detail later. But I found a picture I took the last time the kids and I were there, I took a similar one this trip. WOW have they changed!

Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining.

So the Trans Canada pipe line is going through here. With all the lay offs, there were a ton of welders who were hopeful for jobs. Well they've pretty much said kiss our asses...only nicer. You have to be in the union - and here in South Dakota that's a swear word. Honestly I'd join one - at this point I just want to work and pay my bills.

The local "important" people think people should tailor their hours to the workers because they work 10 to 12 hours a day. Um I worked 10 to 12 hours a day...no one tailored their hours to me, or the other people I worked with. Not to mention the fact that people are saying how it's this great economic stimulus for Yankton. Sure it is, for the next 5 months, I hope the people who are counting on this influx are smart enough to plan for the exodus as well. But I don't think the foresight is there, and quite frankly it's PISSING ME OFF!

I am an eternal optimist in general. I know I'll find work again, I know this isn't going to be forever. I am lucky enough to have married a pessimist who thought of hard times when we were house shopping. This is why we're not endanger of losing our home like so many others.

I just see where this whole thing is going to end up - the pipeline will be built - the workers will be on their merry way - and the "important" people will go "Oh woe is me" yet again, and I'm SICK TO DEATH of that crap. I just want to walk up to them, smack them in the back of the head and yell - "PLAN AHEAD YOU TWIT". But I won't - however I have decided to not remain silent when asked what I think of the whole thing is. MUAHAHAHAHA

Jam season has offically started

I made some dandelion jelly. Yes from the little yellow flowers that are the bane of most people's lawns. It has a citruslike flavor and a bit of an astringent finish. Honestly it cleanses the palate really well. Most people are afraid of it at first, but once they try it most of them are hooked on it. I used to sell it at a market here, but I don't like the way they are running it now, so I won't sell there. I have had some old customers track me down and ask for some, that makes one feel good.

Mostly I hoard it - then give it as gifts. I love giving gifts that I make, be it crocheted, baked, or processed. I feel giving my TIME is better than money - and I don't have tons of that lying around either. Not to mention that way you can USE the gift I've given you. I could be a dork but oh well :)

Spring!

Dare I say it...I think spring is here! FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!! We've tilled the garden, I raked out and remulched the flower beds, pruned the raspberries - which were kind enough to chew the living daylights out of my arms, raked the lawn! We'll start planting on May 1st and I'm so stoked!

Tomorrow is Lilly's 9th birthday - I can hardly believe she's 9! She's becomming an amazing young lady. That's so odd to call her that, but she's really not a little kid anymore - well she is, but at the same time - not. She's got so much going for her, she's intelligent, kind hearted, strong willed, atheletic, and just amazing in general.

She's almost as tall as I am now and is wearing my shoes as well - and they FIT HER!!!!!!! The only pair I've deemed off limits though are my chucks...those are MINE and only MY feet will go in them...and believe me she soooooo wants them - they are red - her favorite color.

She loves to write poetry and songs - and I have to say some of the things she writes just blow me away - her brain twirls differently than mine for sure and I love to watch it spin. She is very artistic as well - give her some art supplies and paper and she's one happy camper. Dramatic too - and like her father has this booming voice - she has always been able to project to the "cheap seats".

She wants to start babysitting - so this summer I've signed her up for a babysitters clinic. She also wants to learn to knit - another class because I cannot knit, I can crochet but not knit.

She saved me from myself, when I found out I was pregnant with her I was 29 years old and not really getting anywhere in life. But I saw the little plus on the test and my first thought was, I need to get it together - it's not about me anymore. She was a rough pregnancy, I had a fibroid cycst the size of a large grapefruit develop when I was a few months pregnant. When it "died" I had an option of surgery to have it removed, but I asked if there was any risk to the baby and when I was told ther was I said no - I'll wait. It put me at high risk - and I had tons of US with her. I had said to my Dr. "this may be my one chance so I'll hang upside down in gravity boots if needed". I had the surgery when she was 6 months old, my Dr. told me I had made the right choice not having the surgery. The cyst was so large that I'd have lost her if I'd had the surgery while pregnant.

I could go on and on, but I think I'll save it for her tomorrow. I'm amazed and honored to be her momma.

Snow day

The kids had a snow day yesterday. Although there really wasn't any snow - but we were in a blizzard warning. We were lucky enough to not get hit with the blizzard.
Kids were at each others throats for a while, but then I reminded them if they didn't have anything better to do than fight...I had chores for them. Amazingly enough they were getting along much better after that.

I also made a discovery, when THIS jumps out at you from around the corner with a little samurai sword and says "BEWARE EVIL DOERS!" it is impossible not to giggle.

7 years ago tomorrow.

I had a beautiful baby boy. Lilly was almost two years old. I was planning her birthday party while in the hospital.

Vincent has been an adventure every day of his life! When he learned to walk he instantly started to climb! He was given the nickname "Monkey Boy". I am amazed at the kid he's become. He's kind and courteous - he will hold a door open for me or any female and say "ladies first". When it snows he goes over to an elderly neighbor's house and clears her walk, and never asks to be paid. He doesn't even tell them he does it, he just does. He helps me in the kitchen, and helps me haul wood.

He has tested me many times - he used to walk into neighbor's houses all the time when he was 3. He used to take off to the park because he wanted to when he was 4. He's played with matches when he was 5. He's made me want to hug him and strangle him all in the same day, sometimes in the same hour.

He has his own difficulties to deal with - he has a pretty hefty lisp. He's going to begin speech therapy soon. His lisp has made learning to read harder for him, because phonetics don't work for him. The way HE sounds things out and the way they ARE sounded out are very different sometimes. But he never let it get him down. He went to tutoring with no arguments - he even enjoyed it. He's a little guy - he has his mother's height, or lack there of. But it never gets in his way . If he can't reach something, he'll find a way to get it or find someone who can.

He's asked me to make peanut butter pie for his school treat. He asks every year, I think mostly because he enjoys crushing the graham cracker - I put them in a baggie and he jumps on them. We're planning his party and he's so excited he gets a bowling party. He wants a skateboard and some cars. Nothing overly extravagant, I think that's another nifty trait of his, he's not greedy.

I'm so honored to be able to say I'm his mother.

My Life - the movie

It's a movie with Michael Keaton and Nicole Kidman. It's about a man who is diagnosed with terminal kidney cancer, and how he learns to enjoy life basically by dying. That's it in a nutshell.

However it is one of the most moving movies to me. Perhaps it's because my Dad died of kidney cancer, but I cry through this ENTIRE movie. EVERY TIME I watch it, and I have watched it many many times. I find it really cathartic, if for some reason life is pushing me harder than I can take, and I know I NEED to cry, but can't, I watch "My Life". Then I cry and cry and cry. And I miss and remember my Dad, who was NOTHING like the character in the movie. It's 15 years this year since he Died, and at times the wound is as raw as it was on day one.

My Dad was a neat guy. He was the kind of person you couldn't dislike, well as long as you weren't RELATED to him :). I cannot recall him ever disliking anyone either, as long as you weren't RELATED to him (I was VERY good at pushing his buttons).

He taught me how to laugh at everything, including myself. Because if you can't laugh, life just blows chunks.

He taught me to love nature and everything in it, and how to respect it. He was a hunter, ducks mostly, I still hate duck. He taught me how to identify different types of birds while they are in the air. I can still do that - which amazes my kids :) I learned to cook in a duck blind in the dark, and the cold. I can still make a mean duck blind breakfast because of him.

He taught me to cook, to have a passion for food. How when you put the time and effort into it, there is untold joy in watching people eat what you've made.

He was the luckiest sob I EVER met. One time he won 900 in the roll of a day in his favorite bar, then took 20 dollars stuck it into a video lottery machine and won TWO THOUSAND dollars there, THEN took 20 dollars of THAT and won ANOTHER TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS. I wouldn't have believed it had I not watched it happen. I asked him how much he was going to tell my mother he won. The reply was "You'd blackmail you're own FATHER?" I gave him my best sad puppy eyes and said "Blackmail is such an ugly word, I prefer extortion. And yes, yes I would." He paid my rent that month and bought me a boatload of groceries. Not to mention we both drank a few beers at the bar. I still laugh about it.

He was also morbidly obese. REALLY morbidly obese. We had him cremated right away because we didn't want people to look at how big the coffin would be and say "LOOK how big he was!" I couldn't demean him like that.

It kills me my children will never meet him. I see him in each one of them. Lilly has his heart and inability to think bad of ANYONE, and his salesmanship abilities. Lil could sell you and ice cube in January during a blizzard. Vincent has his love of hunting, if my father were alive Vincent would have his own ARSENAL by now. Lol. Isabella has his charm, when she turns it on it's IMPOSSIBLE to not like her.

I really don't know what brought this all up today, but I miss him. More than I could ever express.

Love you Dad!

One proud Momma

Lilly was in a basketball tournament this weekend. She did really well and I'm so proud of her. They were awarded medals and she is pleased as punch. She also one 2nd place in a basketball skills contest as well. I wish I was athletic as she is! I also cannot get over what a lovely young lady she is becomming.

Workout, ugh

The gym I belong to is more of a community type center. We use our membership mostly for the pool for the kids. However on my new I want to lose some of this lard on my ass phase..I have begun going to the gym. I mutlitask though, when one of the kids has an activity they go to, I go work out until it's time to go get them. I'm in pain...ow...ow...OW. I really need someone to teach me how to use some of the equipment.

Everyone is well here, we have gotten our spring turkey tags. Honestly I prefer wild turkey from the fall when they are nibbling on corn versus sagebrush. Oh well.
Most all of the processing is done, we still have some jerky to make, but I'm just DONE for now.

I have been planning the garden, much to my children's dismay, I am planting tomatoes. They are the resident pickers - not by choice and their father is quite the task master. It's hilarious. They'll ask what are we doing today...PICKING TOMATOES.....AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!

And there is always the fruit pilfering...well trading. I see a house with a fruit tree and I offer to trade finished product for the fruit. I have a great cherry connection and now a new mulberry connection. YAY!

I think I'm going to do dandelion jelly again this year. I haven't made it for a while and I'm down to one or two jars. It's labor intensive...but very yummy. I wish I had my old milk connection, I used to get raw cow's milk daily - about 5 gallons a day. The cream alone was heavenly. I even made my own butter, very nummy.

So that's life...wishing it was spring...dealing with aching muscles...but overall happy and healthy. And that's just how it ought to be.

Hope it's the same in your worlds :)

This week in my life.

Lets see, a broken toe, smushed finger.

Today we had an ice storm so no school. I need to start listening to the radio, as I drove the kids to school only to find out it was closed...HA!

One more week of welding class left and I'll be an offical AWS (American Welding Society) certified welder. I didn't think I was doing all that great really, but I found out today that he went up to Greg first thing this morning at work and told him that he had "One hell of a welder" living in your house..and was actually referring to ME! But he never says squat in class, generally giving me more grief than anything else. I'll ask him about jobs I'm thinking of applying for and he'll shake his head and not really say anything.

Now I'm wondering if it's so I don't go for another job and wait until Kolberg's is bringing people back. To keep me there, which from his standpoint I can understand, but I have a mortgage to pay for. Not that we're endanger of losing the house, as we have always planned for the "rainy day" so to speak. But I wouldn't mind paying off the house before Greg is old enough to retire. Not to mention the kids college educations to think of. And I'd just like to get out of debt, which is something we could obtain if we were BOTH working.

There was a job I was nervous about applying for, now I'm pretty stoked thinking I might be good enough to get it. There's a lot of travel involved, not overly fond of being away from home. But VERY good money. We'll see, nothing ventured nothing gained I suppose.

Let all be well in your world.

My life in a 1940's cartoon

Love this :)

Good Grief

Well so far this week I broke a toe and smashed my finger. I keep damaging insignificant appendages. Oh well.

Otherwise classes are going well...I should be an AWS certified welder by next week...yay me.

The biggest challenge of my life right now is Bella and bedtime. She is the QUEEN of the stall. Here's our nightly battle.

Me - "Bella it's bedtime"

Bella - "I'm hungry"

Me - "You ate supper, and had a snack, your fine"

Bella -"I'm thirsty"

Me - "You just had a glass of water"

Bella - "I'm not tired"

Me - "If you laid down you'd go to sleep"

Bella - "I want to watch the upside down show"

Me - "It's bedtime"

Bella - insert hysterical screeching here

Me - "It's bedtime!"

Me - carry sed child to her bunk...put her BACK in it for the 8 millionth time. Threaten to send her to gypsies...put her back in bunk for 8 million and 1 time.

Bella - stays still for 1 minute and falls asleep.

UGH!

Sad but true

This song makes my kids giggle.

Post layoff

I have been getting the kids back up to par on the school work front. I must sadly admit I hadn't realized how behind Vincent had become. He has made some great progression in the week we have been working together, I'm very proud of him. He just gets so frustrated when he is trying to read. That's the area we are going to battle the most, he's so willing to just give up. Too bad for him his Momma is sooooooooo not going to let that happen!

Lil was struggling a bit with her math, but she's just about back up to par with her class now. She's worked really hard too, and I'm proud of her.

I have had to resist the urge to strangle their father. He was supposed to be keeping them up to snuff. I have always stressed that school comes above all else. If it comes down to it, he can go back to nights so that I can keep these kids where they should be in their educations. And I'm prepared to become the psycho bitch from hell about it too.

I start my stick welding class on Monday. It's 10 classes total...and the first four we have to take a math class as well. I wanted to cringe, here I am tutoring my children with their math and yet I have to take a refresher course. Ugh, however it won't hurt me one bit...well much anyway :)
So I'm excited to have something to do for a few weeks. And my kids will get a kick out of the fact that MOM has to take a Math class. Har har har!

Tea

Every time we get honey in our house I crave tea. I enjoy drinking tea with honey.

I am also a free sample junkie. If it's free I'm all over it.

Here is where these two things correlate. I had a bunch of tea samples, and now I'm on one of my last ones :( I may be forced to purchase some tea. I have no idea what kind to buy. There are 8 million choices and I'm a lost puppy.

Any suggestions?

So....

I wish I had some deep philosophical thing to say, I don't. I'm depressed about the lay off. I know there are others out there who have it much worse off than I do. I have loads of things to be grateful for and I am.
I know I am Much more than what I did for a living. My greatest purpose is being a Mom. It's amazing to watch them grow and become the people they are becoming. It was also nice to bloom a little myself, and develop a titch of independence as well. Teaching my daughters (and son too) that a woman can work in an industry that is male dominated. That a woman can excel at that job to, and no matter what they want to be when they become adults, as long as they enjoy what they do, it's not work.
I THRIVE on hard work, on taking a bunch of metal and making something tangible out of it. Remembering how when I first started welding I was scared to death to have to work on anything signficant, mostly doing rinky dink pieces. Then amazingly how that wasn't enough for me anymore, how I wanted to BUILD something, I didn't want to just make something a couple of feet long..or legs for conveyors anymore, but that I WANTED to make the main components. I enjoyed how the guys just treated me like one of the guys. They didn't let me do anything to bag off something that might be a little hard. How much they laughed at me when I welded myself into a 7 foot high rock box. How I threatened to kill them if they didn't get me a damned ladder!
I miss having somewhere to BE. I miss having a check with my name on it. It's hard to even think to go from what I was making to something just above minimum wage.
So I guess I'm depressed.
I still look on the bright side too. I'm starting a stick welding class and hopefully a pipe welding class after that. I'm high up on the call back list for work. Whenever that is. Everyone is healthy and doing well, except for me in a way I suppose.
I'm fortunate enough that Greg didn't get laid off and we still have insurance and income. Some of the guys I worked with don't have that and have to take whatever they can get for work. I know that, but right now I'm just bummed.
I'm just trying not to feel guilty about it.

New Year....new things

Not terribly much new. I have quit smoking - again. Now for those of you who are about to ream me for being a Mom and smoking, know this. I NEVER smoked in my house or car. I only stood outside and smoked. I did not expose my family to second hand smoke. Anyway I've quit again and so far so good. I have been avoiding any situation where I could be around smokers as well. I'm not strong enough to be around it yet without being tempted back into doing it.

I'm struggling with the whole snacking thing as well. I'm trying to not go near the vending machine at work. I've been packing healthy snacks. But I do slip.

I am lucky enough to still have a job, for now. We have a lay off coming this month and I'm praying I make the cut. But as long as either Greg or I are working we should be ok. But if we should both get laid off it will be interesting to say the least. (We work for the same company...do the same job...he's on days...I'm on nights) We shall see what comes. I can get a job doing just about anything, but I really LIKE welding and my job in general.

Kids are all doing well...Lilly is back in basketball again and loving every minute of it. She's been having some trouble in math, but is working very hard to get better. I'm proud of her!

Vincent is trying to stay out of trouble, and doing a good job at staying away from MAJOR trouble. He has been out hunting with Dad darn near every weekend and loves it like crazy.

Bella and I are having a contest of wills lately. Lucky for me I'm more stubborn than she is - for now anyway! Her latest thing is she doesn't wish to wear clothing at home, she prefers to romp around in her underpants. She's 5....but most of the time this isn't too big of a deal, but the argument to get her dressed is dreadful!

That's about it...still processing deer....still crossing guard at the kids school...still dull as dirt! :)

Hope all is grand in your world!